A grande verdade é que as mulheres buscam avidamente aparecer “bem na foto” em aparições públicas. Em função disso, elas gastam mundos e fundos para lutar contra tudo e contra todos e, principalmente, contra a gravidade.
Porém, há recursos infinitamente menos dolorosos do que cirurgias plásticas e menos enfadonhos do que tratamentos cosméticos e menos cansativos do que horas de tortura nas academias.
Infelizmente, ou melhor, felizmente a nossa percepção é baseada em padrões relativísticos e a beleza não foge disto. Afinal, você só é bonita ou feia comparativamente às mulheres do lugar. Mesmo sendo cruel, isto é a pura realidade que você será obrigada a concordar.
Então, a fórmula mágica da beleza instantânea não requer tratamentos caríssimos, nem dietas acachapantes e não exigirá que o seu corpitcho se mortifique na pesada rotina dos exercícios físicos.
1- Para entrar com o pé direito na balada, escolha a sua melhor amiga pela cara e não pelo coração. A primeira cena mostra um exemplo extremo para que você possa entender melhor o nosso método.
2- Se você é amiga da Regina Casé, o sucesso estará garantido.
3- Na praia então, a sua amiga feia pode adicionalmente lhe prestar pequenos favores, enquanto você se pavoneia para o seu público. Mesmo que esta cena se passe na distante praia de Vladivostok na Rússia, a fórmula funciona perfeitamente em qualquer praia brasileira.
4- Para te provar que a coisa funciona bem em terra brazilis, veja como a Sabrina Sato aplicou a técnica de maneira esplêndida, e depois a acusam de burra!
5- Uma cena a ser vigorosamente evitada: Kelly Osbourne, filha do Ozzy Osbourne se pavoneia ao lado da cantora soul Amy Winehouse. O problema começa quando as pessoas olham o quadro da dor e se perguntam: qual é a bonita, qual é a feia?
6- Situação que leva inevitavelmente ao desastre: você deve se recusar terminantemente a sair com as duas pessoas a seguir, tanto quanto o diabo foge da cruz. Falo da dupla de peso Megan Fox e Angelina Jolie. Elas próprias deveriam evitar aparecer juntas em público, pois suas belezas estonteantes certamente se anulariam. Se você é íntima de gente assim, jamais deveria topar aparecer numa balada com qualquer uma delas, sob pena de ficar segurando o candelabro de velas por toda a eternidade.
Moral da história: quem vê cara, não vê coração, mas se você tiver uma amiga ao lado com um coração boníssimo e uma estampa de assustar quarteirão, você terá tempo suficiente para brilhar antes que descubram este pequeno detalhe. Ahhh... a receita também serve para os homens, portanto, fuja do Brad Pitt!
(beijos!!, genial Isaías!!)
28 comentários:
Não deixa de ser uma troca. Acaba que todos se beneficiam.
Bjos
Partir de generalizações é sempre um problema, pq vc acaba empobrecendo classes, gêneros e etc..Mas o texto ficou bem divertido! Abraços!
E aí quando vão atualizar o blog???
Estou com saudades!!!
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1) https://www.theroot.com/a-white-journalist-discovers-the-lie-of-portugal-s-colo-1790854283
2) https://saynotoracistportugal.neocities.org/
3) http://www.discoveringbristol.org.uk/slavery/routes/places-involved/europe/portugal/
4)SOPAS DOS POBRES EVERYDAY IN PORTUGAL BECAUSE OF NON EXISTENT ECONOMY:
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5) http://www.ipsnews.net/2011/10/portugal-crisis-pushes-women-into-prostitution/
6) https://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2013/06/the-mystery-of-why-portugal-is-so-doomed/276371/
7) https://portugaltruths.neocities.org/
8) https://portugalwasabadcolonizer.neocities.org/
9) https://portugalisxenophobic.neocities.org/
10) https://portugalisaracistcountry.neocities.org/
I HEREBY ALERT ALL PEOPLE ON EARTH TO NOT BUY FROM PUTUGAL, DO NOT SPEND YOUR HARD, EARNED MONEY GOING THERE AND BOYCOTT ALL PORTUGEE STORES IN YOUR AREA! DON'T BUY THEIR GOODS OR WINES!!!
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